Tandy Jurgensen

I am missing working with children. It feels good to give up facilitating the music and movement groups because it was just time to move on. I am like that. Always moving and growing. I feel like I am growing into something different as I enter the Child and Adolescent Specialty in the fall semester. But I still miss the kids. I sometimes think about transferring within the State of Michigan to Child Services. I think most would think this to be a crazy move but I’m not so sure. I will have my year in at the end of June so I could start thinking about it more seriously. I think I would love advocating for children and getting to work with them once again. Also, I believe that some hours would count for my Child and Adolescent Speciality internship hours. My biggest fear is that I would not like the workload or management or whatever and not be able to get my job back in Adult Protective Services. I have heard that most people want to transfer OUT of Child Services so I don’t know what it would be like. Maybe I need to talk to more people about it.

Anyway, I miss the kids.

A parent noticed that I have not updated my blog in a long time. I have been super duper busy and have not been keeping up with it. I got a new job as an Adult Protective Services Specialist for the Michigan Department of Human Services in the Oakland County office. It is challenging yet rewarding as I put my skills to use working with families. These are a different kind of families than I have been used to working with because the vulnerable people I advocate for are adults. It is still working with families which I value immensely.

We all live in a family. Family is different for everyone. I grew up in a complicated family. It’s so complicated that I don’t even want to go into it. I think the diversity in my family life is partly what is responsible for my love of different cultures and different people and different ways of life. In my undergraduate studies and work, I loved learning about and working with families with diverse experiences: single parent families, low income families, high income families, families of different races and cultures (often in the very same room), gay families, families with no children and families with 6 children. I love the diversity that makes our world what it is.

I think that all interactions with other people are essentially a multicultural experience. A friend once told me that she thinks that “every head is a different world” and I have thought about this over the years and have found merit in this comment. Every person is so different from the next that interacting with another person is a multicultural experience. I know this is very true for me since my life experiences have been very very diverse (which I will write about another time). I always keep this in mind when I am working with people. I want to know how that person (whether adult or child) experiences the world and help them from that perspective. I think that is important for all people to keep in mind when dealing with other people (including parents of small children). When we come into an interaction with another person with a deep respect for the culture they hold within them, we will have successful interactions with the other person no matter what our goal might be.

I am also entering the last phases of completing my Master’s in Counseling degree with a specialization in Children and Adolescents. I am more than half way through my program. I will take twice the amount of time to complete my internships because I am working a full time job. I am hoping to complete an internship working exclusively with children since that is where my passion truly lies. I will start that in the fall and I am really looking forward to it already.

I just found out about it yesterday, after April had passed. It’s great to have some awareness of this growing issue even beyond April. So, I decided to write about it

Because I work so well with kids, people often ask me if I have children of my own. They are shocked to find out that I do not and the conversation ends there. Once in a while, I say: “It’s not out of choice” and I think they understand.

My struggle with infertility has been mostly unknown by anyone except my family. I think it’s time to share now that I feel mostly healed from my struggle. I say mostly because I think that the pain of infertility never really goes away. After all, I don’t have a child looking at me saying: “Mommy!” The reason I am writing about it is to spread awareness about women that suffer from infertility; specifically myself who loves children so much.

I had an experience where a parent was offended that I had anything to say about child rearing because I did not have a child of my own. It was in the midst of my struggle trying to carry a baby to full term. I was deeply hurt by her insensitivity but also her ignorance. Knowing about child-rearing is so much more than the daily experience of having a child in the home. I do know about this experience from having helped to raise many children through being an aunt and a full time nanny. Raising children does not make one an expert or specialist in child development. That is far from the case. Experience is important but it is certainly not the whole picture. One can have children and not know a thing about how to effectively and lovingly raise a child. Isn’t that an obvious truth? So, why should the opposite not be true as well? There are plenty of people that know how to raise children lovingly and effectively without having been called “Mommy.”

“Would you go to a bald barber?” This is what one psychologist that I work with asked me this when I told her about my experience with this parent. I didn’t quite understand what she meant and she explained: “Just because the barber has no hair doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know how to cut hair.” She was then very encouraging to me: “Don’t minimize your skill and experience working with families. You are excellent and knowledgeable. You make a difference in the lives of many families.” That little talk really gave me a lot of confidence despite my hurt feelings from my experience with this parent. So, I now realize that if a parent doesn’t think my extensive education and experience is enough to work effectively with children and parents, it’s really their own lack of understanding.

So, when thinking about infertility awareness, I think it is especially important to think of those that work with children and not minimize their expertise. Knowing about children is also knowing about human nature through study, observation, and insight. It’s something that can come naturally to some people even if having a baby is not. I may not have a child who calls me: “Mommy,” but I am important in the lives of many children and families. This is extremely rewarding to me. And, for now, that is enough for me.

Help spread awareness about infertility. I hope my little story has helped.

My mom is in the kitchen cooking Easter dinner. I helped earlier. I went for a walk with some family and I got to thinking about Spring and newness. The grass is coming up, the new flowers are blooming, and the smell of the fresh air all reminded me of a fresh start. Part of the reason I love working with kids is that for kids, there is newness all the time. There are a lot of “firsts” in the first 8 years of life and this is exciting for everyone involved in the child’s life. We can learn from this.

I also like newness for myself. I try to keep things in my life fresh and new. Sometimes this means keeping my perspective fresh and sometimes it means buying new clothes or trying some new kind of activity. I have a good friend who does something new every day. She opens the car door with her other hand, takes a new route to somewhere she’s going , or does something small that is new and fresh.  She believes that this keeps her from being stagnant and creates new neural pathways in her brain. I think that is super cool.

I like to do new things with my thoughts. I am ever trying to weed out thought patterns that are negative or not working for me. I replace them with positive thoughts that honor newness and healthy living. I think this is also important for parents. When we are positive and new and fresh, we can really be present for the children in our lives. Children respond cooperatively to positive people whether they are parents or other people in their lives. So, rooting out those old negative thoughts and planting the bulbs of good, positive, healthy thoughts will benefit everyone in your life! And how gorgeous will they be when they bloom!!!?? What a good goal to have this Spring!

In Music and Movement for Babies class last night, we talked about rocking. Rocking is good for a child’s brain development. It stimulates the vestibular system which is important in our movement through space, in coordinating many organs such as those in the inner ear and eyes, muscles and joints, and the fingertips and the palms of the hand. A good vestibular system helps regulate anxiety, self-regulation, muscle tone, and even learning (just to name a few things).

It’s obvious that babies love to rock but maybe less obvious once a child get’s older. What are some things you can do to help your child maintain an interest in rocking? KEEP THE ROCKING CHAIR!!! So many people get rid of it once the infant moves into toddlerhood but it’s job is not over! Your toddler may still like for you to rock him or her in your lap. They may also like to rock by themselves often or from time to time. You could play some soft music and allow themselves to rock for a while as part of a bedtime routine. Also, the older child still needs vestibular stimulation. So, keep that chair for them to rock by themselves, with friends and siblings, and maybe even baby dolls! Any kind of rocking or swaying motion is good so you can even rock standing up. I definitely suggest doing that if your child has a lot of energy!

As we were talking last night about the importance of rocking, one mom had a wonderful insight. She said that we could keep the rocking chair the child’s whole life and when they aren’t interested anymore, we could keep it for ourselves! She added that we may have to add a little padding (lol) but the chair would probably still be good. She was absolutely right on target because the benefits of rocking don’t go away with age! Rocking is an effective strategy for relaxation in adults and elderly people and has even been found to reduce depression and anxiety and sometimes reduce the need for certain pain medications!

So, rock your child and benefit from it for yourself!

Here I am once more blogging!! I feel like an ever newer person since I started my last blog five years ago. For the sake of continuity, you may want to check out how my journey being a creative early childhood specialist began. You can find it here: My start being a creative early childhood specialist. Since the last time I had contact with the world via blogging, I have earned my degree in Children and Family studies from the University of Michigan-Dearborn and am working on my Master’s in Counseling specializing in Children and Adolescents at Oakland University here in Michigan. Not only do I still facilitate music and movement playgroups for Development Centers, I educate parents about their child’s development and have begun to do parent coaching. Parent coaching is an area that I am working to develop more fully as it is really necessary and rewarding work. For now, I just wanted to say hello, reintroduce myself, and have a little fun starting my blog!!!